Carbon Pets
Carbon
carbonoforme
Adopting A Carbon Pet Makes You a Member of the Carbon Underground.
Easy to keep. They require no water,
and no food.
There is No poop to scoop and
they produce no methane!
This is the ONLY carbon
climate
neutral pet in the world.
save the
planet as you provide sanctuary
to the world's greenest pet.
adopt yours today!
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Carbon Pets are truly collectible carbon artifacts commemorating the devastating history of global warming, dba climate change. Get a carbon pet and become a member of the Carbon Underground. Learn more about carbon creatures. |
  Above: A solo Carbon Pet just hanging out. |
Beautifully Black and Brave!
All Carbon Pets begin their epic journey deep in the great American gulag of coal mines. Ripped out of their peaceful Mother Earth womb by ravenous machines serving greedy business men, Carbon Pets are dumped into a continuing procession of rail cars rumbling through our cities where residents are oblivious to their daily tragedy and impending immolation in the multitude of ovens powering the dirty electrical industry...see below.
Upon liberation from the prison trains carrying millions
of Carbon Pets to their sure death
in fiery ovens and
subsequent toxic release into the atmosphere, all Carbon
Pets are cleaned, washed, and sealed in a secret
aboriginal ceremony.
After extensive rehabilitation to accustom them
to the light of day, a few of them grow shimmering
crystal eyes, and it is only these that become
Carbon Pets for which we find loving homes.
They are disease free and will last many lifetimes in the care and service of all gentle loving peoples who yearn for world peace, climate stability, and intra-species equality.
All Carbon Pets are guaranteed to come from multi-ethnic
sources, and are genetically coded to be equally
friendly and
accepting of democrats, republicans, liberals,
conservatives, Catholics, Communists, Socialists,
lefties, righties, Presbyterians, Jews, Muslims,
Buddhists,
Hindus, Wiccans, Cannibals, Vegetarians, Atheists,
Evangelicals, and all sexual persuasions, predilections,
or perversities as well as all other religious and
political
persuasions, practices, or perversities.
Being pure carbon black, Carbon Pets absorb all colors
of the spectrum making them the perfect pet for any
race, color, or creed.
Being non-reflective and non-judgmental, Carbon
Pets will never give off bad vibes, bad thoughts, or
anything which might offend anyone!
They will never bite the hand that feeds them!
Carbon Pets are guaranteed 100% Organic,
biodegraded, and fair-traded.
Above Left: A trio of Carbon Pets showing you how to be sequestered. Top Left: A rare pedigreed carbon pet...see below. |
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Pedigreed Carbon Pets: Most Carbon Pets are
plain mutts. Some, however, retain their original genetic
integrity throughout their very difficult cycle of liberation. The
Carbon Pet pictured on the left is a Black Lab (top and bottom
are the same pet). This one measures 2" x 1.5" x 1" and
weighs .8oz. These are very rare and are offered to the discriminating collector who wants an exclusive. Buy this Black Lab at $24.95 which includes shipping. |
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The only place in the world where you can be part of the carbon underground and have a beautiful pet in the process. |
 Getting ready to sleep, a Carbon Pet retreats into its own black velvet bag for lights out.  |
A sample of things to do with your Carbon Pets
and things your Carbon Pets will do for you.
Receive more when you get your own pets.
*) Put them in your window to soak up the sun, then put them in their own slumber socks and they will radiate their warmth back to you as you sleep. This is called recycling. You are now solar smart.
*) Trade your Carbon Pets with others.
Algore calls this carbon cap trading, and he is
making lots of money.
Maybe
you
will too. When
you trade your Carbon Pets, you do not pay any carbon
taxes.
*) Take your Carbon Pet on a date.
Carbon Pets are wonderful conversation starters.
Carbon Pets are a great way
to
share your earth friendly views and prove that you are a
carbon sensitive Homo sapien.
Impress your prospective date by sharing your own
personal carbon history.
This is called carbon dating.
It is very scientific.
*) Place your Carbon Pets into a special press with high
temperatures and your Carbon Pets will turn into
diamonds.
Your girlfriend will be very happy.
Don’t worry; Carbon Pets feel no pain,
and turning Carbon Pets into diamonds helps to
eliminate the Blood Diamond trade.
You are now Very politically correct!
*) Carbon Pets are PETA friendly.
Providing a home for a Carbon Pet saves
it from certain death in a furnace, since
all Carbon Pets are actually liberated from coal
trains on their way to evil power plants.
*) Start your own Carbon Bank. Carbon Pets like to lie on top of each other. Keeping them together will make them happy and the world safe. This is called sequestering. Now you are onto something most people can’t pronounce or understand which means Wall Street will make you rich from carbon securities.
*) Each Carbon Pet comes with its own velvet carbon black bag
which gives you the option of performing black
bag operations.
Black bag operations should not be
attempted by neophytes and must be performed in
secret. Pssst… Carbon Pets love to be water-boarded
with carbonated water!
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One of the hundreds of trains
rumbling past Denver, Colorado with millions When you buy a Carbon Pet, your funds directly support a
29 year old |
 President
Obama is the Carbonizer in Chief, shown here turning his lungs into carbon parts. We know it would be better for him if he had Carbon Pets instead. |
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GET YOUR OWN CARBON PET. These are
non-pedigreed pets. |
LIMITED SUPPLY-GET YOURS EARLY! |
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What comes with your Carbon Pet. Each Carbon Pet comes with its own velvet black bag and a certificate of authenticity and liberation. You will also receive instructions on how to take care of your Carbon Pet, and a list of 12 things your Carbon Pets will do for you and what you can do with them. Show us what you think of doing with your Carbon Pet. All Carbon Pets weigh between .5-2 ounces with measurements similar to the Black Lab above. Contact the Carbon Underground: carbonizer@carbonpets.net. |